It’s been an entire week since I posted
anything on my Facebook timeline. My wall looks sullen. Gives me dirty looks
whenever I go online. I need to yank the dust covers off my life and get some
decent pictures out in the next few days. And I need to come up with something
new…something pretty…and something witty to go with the pretty … little flags
that declare how awesome I am, and how well I have my entire life under
control.
Just look at what my friends are doing –
there’s Sheena who’s posted pictures of her bungee-jumping in Alaska, for god’s
sake… and Rohini, who went all the way to Goa to get married, and plastered her
wall with gorgeous pictures of the ceremony against a mind-boggling sunset… and
Meera, who pops up all over social media with yet one more award for her latest
documentary. I could go on and on. Seriously, they’re all doing something
exciting; something fun.
And here I am on a horribly warm Monday
morning, inching my way to office through peak-hour traffic, with an irate auto
driver as my companion. Wait a minute - his moustache does look out of the
ordinary. Perhaps I could quietly take a photograph and then post it on my wall
with a witty comment. On second thoughts, that may not be a good idea… what if
he sues me for online harassment?
Perhaps I should seriously consider dating
Sudhir. That guy has been dropping hints for a while now. And I must admit, he
photographs rather well. Will sit quite prettily on my wall. Me clinging to his
arm, with the Lonavla lake in the backdrop…I could even sneak in the Lake Isle
of Innisfree into the caption. Sounds colorful, na? So what if my
conversations with him don’t go beyond five minutes? Thankfully, Facebook
doesn’t require him to talk. But then, I do. And oh dear god, I’ll need to put
up with his endless bragging…besides, once we’re up on Facebook, I can’t even
dump him before a decent interval. That won’t show me up in very good light.
That’s just too much bother, for a few good pics on your wall, don’t you think?
But, what else can I do? I know…I’ll sign
up for that month-long pottery class. Hopefully, at the end of it, I would have
turned out some classy pots and dishes, that I could showcase on Facebook.
One second…I think that’s my phone…. Hey,
Maria, where have you been all these days? So, what’s new? What about Rohini?
No, I haven’t. What??? But she just got married!!! Poor thing….
So, then, Rohini’s marriage is over. God, she’ll
need to take down all those gorgeous photographs on Facebook. Perhaps she’d do
well to shut down her current account and open a new one. Like Tara did last
month. Would be nice if Facebook had an in-built mechanism to help you sail
through the times when life is doing the 'tossed upon stormy seas' routine on you.
Come to think of it, Facebook owes it to
us, don’t you think? I mean, after all, a spectacle should always be worth
looking at. Think of it. In any case, Facebook knows pretty much all that’s
happening in our lives. So the moment it realizes you’ve had a break-up, it
could pull up a suitable photograph from your albums, Photoshop it to show you
against an exotic yet brooding landscape, and play melancholy music in the
background when someone clicks on it.
Now, that would be something. Living the
life Facebook built for us – way simpler than Facebooking our actual lives, if
you ask me.
